Well today is yet another day and I am up and ready to go. As much as possible that is. I am sitting in my office pretending to work, I am working bbecause this really is part of me and of my job. I went to bed angry last night at my spouse for coming home 2 hours later than he said, which I knew would happen, but nontheless still made me made. Funny thing though, I almost had to make myself mad. Funny, because I had every reason to be pissed at him but it was almose difficult. I know it may because I am recovering. Wow, what a concept.....this stuff works. Who what of guessed it. For the day I am going to try to just give it over to God and see what happens. I do a pretty good job, most of the time, but I have to say that it is easy to try to grab a hold and bring it back to me. So, here you go Father, take it all from me so I do not have to deal with the issues today!!!

July 22,09 Shit, Shit, Shit

I have much frustration right now as I sit here on my new blog and let out some anger. I want this today to be the first time that I let people know that they are not alone. Being sober today is shitty. Why, because I am still trying to fiqure it out and everyone else around me does not seem to be in the same spot as I am in. I have a year and 7 months of sobriety and yet I am still a baby in the sober world. My spouse is out drinking with work people and I am home with my kids. I don't want this blog to be all about me complaining, however it is going to be this way today. When i took my last drink and if I could see into the future, would I have stopped? I really hope so. I want to be some where else right now. I want serenity, don't we all? See I know it is possible to have because I have had in in the shoty time I have been sober. But as I have been told " it" gets better. "It" also gets harder trying to find the balance. My children are my life right now, and really always have. I am wanting to know how to balance being sober...motherhood...my so-called marriage...work...no exsistant social life and family. Oh and the house hold ...oh and starting a buisness. I don't know how to do it all. Well now, today I won't drink. I will sit here and read and wait for tomorrow to come.